Final year

dear bloggers...

i have to admit that it has been a long time since i wrote. yet i kept leaving my blog unattended.. hahah my bad.. so here i wanted to continue the story of my university life at UKM.

At long last! My final year in UKM has arrived. well.. it ended already.. but here I am! To tell it again from the start of it! basically, if I would describe my final in a word is: LONELINESS. really? you didn't see that coming? well, check out my 2nd year right? see how it all went down the drain bcoz of my mistakes and no tolerance from "them". whatever. I have overcome it since they called me out.

for starters, my final year started off with a NEW ROOM & NEW ROOMMATE. and thank god i was good at begging (not actual begging) and pleading for a new room so that i could avoid anymore heartache from THEM. I prayed that i won't be experiencing anymore trouble for this year. And yes i got what i needed: SOME ALONE TIME FOR MYSELF. i guess it was a bliss that having a room mate that doesn't actually know me and aren't always in the room. I had the room all to myself almost all the time! man! talk about lonely. Well, at least I finally got my peace again without HER around to messed up my mind.I was very thankful that my room mate was a year older than me.. and very friendly i might say that.

In addition to that, I learned how to really live the university life with excluding all the college activities that i poured my heart into when I was in my 2nd year. when i say living.. I meant as in not worrying about my room mate or getting back late whatsoever. nobody cares! and i Liked it that way. i stayed in that room for only a semester. the next semester, i was starting my working life. which is not a stranger since I'll be working again at mph. i just don't know where to search anymore but since mph has given me a place.. then i'll work.

the 2nd semester of my final year was a breeze.. since i finished my thesis in the 1st semester.. i just had to focused on work. with all the reports done.. i finally can breathe! hah! You can say that to my other friends but not me... i had a problem with my credit hour and had to take a short semester IF I still wanted to GRAD this year. and i did.

well this turns out to be along post. so i'll continue my story in the next post! stay tuned..

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My Tragic End to 2nd year

hey there!

well, if you must know, at the end of my 2nd year ended badly..not in terms of my education (it dropped down a bit but that's not the point). It ended bad in terms of my relation with people at my college. And that has been affecting me to survive the ends of my 2nd year of study. even though it did put a gap on some of the people i know close.. but it also strengthens my relationship with the people I rarely talked to. and thanks to that, i'd still be able to enjoy my college a bit. well.. not for long that is..

I kinda fought with some girls that i was suppose to be close with bcoz of what I told you in the previous post. and i did some provoking post on my facebook and ended up being called up. the main objective was to clear up everything that "they" don't understand about my accusations. well.. they were true anyways and its just that they want to put on "a good face" for the upperhands.. really? "THEY" wanted to meet up just to cover their sorry arses! they didn't even gave me the chance to say or even defend myself! and because they were so pushy about me being friends with them again.. i just gave up. I just don't want to get caught up with them anymore. I JUST DON'T CARE. They NEVER CARED anyways. "it was always for the greater good"..

puhleaseeee!! nobody believe that.. everyone knows about it! stop acting like nobody is noticing it! and that's the end of my 2nd year in ukm.

written by me.. who else?

university life

dear bloggers,

i hate to say it but IT BEEN A WHILE AGAIN. haha seems i like collecting dust on my blog. it has been ages since i've written a post. now that i'm like 'this', i wanted to write something. just so i can get it off my chest.

well, my freshmen year as a university girl, i thought it would be the highlight of my life. it seems so for the first half. things have been happening ever since i joined this kolej. i admit at first i was scared but slowly, things went on normally until one of my wing-mate found out something they shouldn't have known. and we kinda broke off the friendship just like that. i got so stressed out thinking bout them because i'd still had 2 and half years left to cope with them. and as things moved on, i finally got over them. things was starting to brighten up. then my 2nd year came up.

well, the 2nd year started off with a bang. like i'd suddenly have to do things, get involved into things. this is because i'd just landed on a job that i have to do it for the kolej. next thing i knew, i was busy all the time. every night is another meeting. well, i thought to myself again that i wouldn't have to lose any friends this time around. but my hope gone out too soon and this time, it was really my fault. i admit that i am the one at fault and i truly am sorry bout it. turns out it wasn't good enough and i ended up losing most of my friends. sure i have other friends at my faculty but it didn't matter once i stepped into kolej again. what was i supposed to do? living here become a lot stress and unbearable. and i just want to end my degree as soon as i can. because i cant take it anymore. i want to run away but i can't.. i'm still tied up to this kolej. my university life.. i've ruined it. i don't know what i have done that its until.. like i'm don't even cared to other people.

i'm still here guys?! can;t you see me anymore? was i that invisible to you? not even worth to find me if i had problems? is it my fault that i'm like this? maybe so.. and i hope my final year would be better off if i would just slowly disappear. no one would care. because i'm no value to them. why would anyone cared bout me? i'm nobody now.

and could only pray that i will be strong enough to hold out for my final year. wish me the best of luck? i could only hope so. thanks for reading this. it kinda feels better like this. that i've written what i would feel like. what life.. what university life has done to me..its been great.. for while. well.. thank u again. hope to see u soon.

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rough times (2nd year i guess?)

hey guys and girls,

things have been pretty rough lately. sheila xsgke akan jadi cmnie. nape perlu kite gaduh? nape perlu kite jadi cmnie.? sheila rase sume blaku ats sbb slh faham je.. sheila cube utk memperbetulkan keadaan tp mlg nyer sheila xbdaya.. apa ptut sheila buat spaya sume baik semula? sheila xmenyebelahi sesiapa. from experience, i know it hurts so much as we try hard to not hurt other people's feelings while ours were being trampled, crushed and also broke into millions of pieces. I know it so well. I've known it until now. even now it is being hurt here and there. But i know now, even if my feelings get trampled and being tempered with, i would just let it slide. i know its stupid. yes it is. but that is just me. that is my way of blinding myself to not look into it too much so that it would hurt less. because i know, someday, there will be happiness awaiting for us.. for we do not know what is there to come. what is or has been written for us.

i guess that's how life sometimes knocks you down so hard that you will have to find and gather all your strength to get back up. i'm not saying i'm strong. i'm weak. very weak. from my point of view, i can see that many other people are stronger than me. so please. don't beat yourselves up. there is no benefit in going on like this. we are never alone. each and every one of us, has somebody. even you guys out there. if you ever need somebody, you know that i'll always be there for you. and you should be happy with what you have right now. good ones. bad ones. all of that can make us stronger each time we are tested.

i know i have no right to say any of this to you. but i just wanted you to know

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