~ Freaqky Girl ~

dear bloggers...

i have to admit that it has been a long time since i wrote. yet i kept leaving my blog unattended.. hahah my bad.. so here i wanted to continue the story of my university life at UKM.

At long last! My final year in UKM has arrived. well.. it ended already.. but here I am! To tell it again from the start of it! basically, if I would describe my final in a word is: LONELINESS. really? you didn't see that coming? well, check out my 2nd year right? see how it all went down the drain bcoz of my mistakes and no tolerance from "them". whatever. I have overcome it since they called me out.

for starters, my final year started off with a NEW ROOM & NEW ROOMMATE. and thank god i was good at begging (not actual begging) and pleading for a new room so that i could avoid anymore heartache from THEM. I prayed that i won't be experiencing anymore trouble for this year. And yes i got what i needed: SOME ALONE TIME FOR MYSELF. i guess it was a bliss that having a room mate that doesn't actually know me and aren't always in the room. I had the room all to myself almost all the time! man! talk about lonely. Well, at least I finally got my peace again without HER around to messed up my mind.I was very thankful that my room mate was a year older than me.. and very friendly i might say that.

In addition to that, I learned how to really live the university life with excluding all the college activities that i poured my heart into when I was in my 2nd year. when i say living.. I meant as in not worrying about my room mate or getting back late whatsoever. nobody cares! and i Liked it that way. i stayed in that room for only a semester. the next semester, i was starting my working life. which is not a stranger since I'll be working again at mph. i just don't know where to search anymore but since mph has given me a place.. then i'll work.

the 2nd semester of my final year was a breeze.. since i finished my thesis in the 1st semester.. i just had to focused on work. with all the reports done.. i finally can breathe! hah! You can say that to my other friends but not me... i had a problem with my credit hour and had to take a short semester IF I still wanted to GRAD this year. and i did.

well this turns out to be along post. so i'll continue my story in the next post! stay tuned..

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dear bloggers,

i hate to say it but IT BEEN A WHILE AGAIN. haha seems i like collecting dust on my blog. it has been ages since i've written a post. now that i'm like 'this', i wanted to write something. just so i can get it off my chest.

well, my freshmen year as a university girl, i thought it would be the highlight of my life. it seems so for the first half. things have been happening ever since i joined this kolej. i admit at first i was scared but slowly, things went on normally until one of my wing-mate found out something they shouldn't have known. and we kinda broke off the friendship just like that. i got so stressed out thinking bout them because i'd still had 2 and half years left to cope with them. and as things moved on, i finally got over them. things was starting to brighten up. then my 2nd year came up.

well, the 2nd year started off with a bang. like i'd suddenly have to do things, get involved into things. this is because i'd just landed on a job that i have to do it for the kolej. next thing i knew, i was busy all the time. every night is another meeting. well, i thought to myself again that i wouldn't have to lose any friends this time around. but my hope gone out too soon and this time, it was really my fault. i admit that i am the one at fault and i truly am sorry bout it. turns out it wasn't good enough and i ended up losing most of my friends. sure i have other friends at my faculty but it didn't matter once i stepped into kolej again. what was i supposed to do? living here become a lot stress and unbearable. and i just want to end my degree as soon as i can. because i cant take it anymore. i want to run away but i can't.. i'm still tied up to this kolej. my university life.. i've ruined it. i don't know what i have done that its until.. like i'm don't even cared to other people.

i'm still here guys?! can;t you see me anymore? was i that invisible to you? not even worth to find me if i had problems? is it my fault that i'm like this? maybe so.. and i hope my final year would be better off if i would just slowly disappear. no one would care. because i'm no value to them. why would anyone cared bout me? i'm nobody now.

and could only pray that i will be strong enough to hold out for my final year. wish me the best of luck? i could only hope so. thanks for reading this. it kinda feels better like this. that i've written what i would feel like. what life.. what university life has done to me..its been great.. for while. well.. thank u again. hope to see u soon.

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PNAS4EVA

hey guys and girls,

things have been pretty rough lately. sheila xsgke akan jadi cmnie. nape perlu kite gaduh? nape perlu kite jadi cmnie.? sheila rase sume blaku ats sbb slh faham je.. sheila cube utk memperbetulkan keadaan tp mlg nyer sheila xbdaya.. apa ptut sheila buat spaya sume baik semula? sheila xmenyebelahi sesiapa. from experience, i know it hurts so much as we try hard to not hurt other people's feelings while ours were being trampled, crushed and also broke into millions of pieces. I know it so well. I've known it until now. even now it is being hurt here and there. But i know now, even if my feelings get trampled and being tempered with, i would just let it slide. i know its stupid. yes it is. but that is just me. that is my way of blinding myself to not look into it too much so that it would hurt less. because i know, someday, there will be happiness awaiting for us.. for we do not know what is there to come. what is or has been written for us.

i guess that's how life is.it sometimes knocks you down so hard that you will have to find and gather all your strength to get back up. i'm not saying i'm strong. i'm weak. very weak. from my point of view, i can see that many other people are stronger than me. so please. don't beat yourselves up. there is no benefit in going on like this. we are never alone. each and every one of us, has somebody. even you guys out there. if you ever need somebody, you know that i'll always be there for you. and you should be happy with what you have right now. good ones. bad ones. all of that can make us stronger each time we are tested.

i know i have no right to say any of this to you. but i just wanted you to know

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hey one, hey all!

seems like i've been busy a bit for this month. hmmph! mane tak nyer.. tgk la..dlm akhir bulan nie ade 2 program kene risau.. then due2 prog nie plak pegang jawatan. Satu pegang ketua, the other pegang publisiti plak.. due post yg berbeza with lots of work. mmg xleh nk ckp la.. kelam kabut dibuatnya kene setel kan umh yg nk buat prog.. the other kene buat poster, banner and bunting..huhuh i didn't i ever distribute this kind of work.. tarikh makin hari makin dekat.. aigoo.. mmg xsempat la nk handle due bende at the same time..
haha just nk ckp nie je for this post..

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hey bloggers!
im back! hehe back with a more stressed-self than ever..!
u know.. sheila byk hadapi bende2 bru since sheila dtg ke ukm nie..
lots of new experiences.. new obstacles.. new beginings and ends,, haha
i don't know where to start.. i guess,,
sume bende da jadi kt sheila nie boleh dikatekan sume berpunca dari diri (perangai & personaliti) sendiri. sheila tau diri sheila nie dari dulu mmg camnie..
lepas kene tegur dgn kwn baik sheila.. yg btul2 kenal diri sheila nie.. tentang betapa butanye sheila pndg sume yg terjadi secara terang-terangan dpn mate sheila sendiri.. and like i'm trying SO HARD to be with anybody that really doesn't appreciate me..
sheila tau satu hari nnt.. mmg sheila kene ubah diri nie.. so that people can't step on me anymore.. but there is also a saying, "just be yourself" and "you can't satisfy EVERYBODY"
and so.. exactly.. which one should i do? is it that i have to change myself in order so that i will be stronger? or should i just be myself and just won't care what anybody thinks and say anymore?

my senior once said to me, "never care what anybody thinks about you cuz that can ruin your life. Careless is better, so that life is sweeter that way" 
after hearing all this.. i would reflect on myself.. but not even applying it to my life.. how could things get any easier than this? i can say that life is hard.. but without its obstacles.. you never know how hard life can hit you.. well,, if you have any advice for me.. please feel free to either comment or put ur thoughts in the chat box beside.

Again, thanx for hearing me out. i hope my post won't bore you bloggers out there! until next time then!

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Assalamualaikum and a very good evening 
To all the boys and girls of the blogger world..

today i would like to share a bit of my feelings with you..
well.. this thing have been going on throughout my life..
doesn't matter where or when..it always happen to me and i don't know why..
being together in a group has always been our trademark (various of friends and me)
don't know how and i don't know why,
but when it comes to being ignored or feel like left out.. has always been me..
or is it just my feelings overpowering my brain?

I can't figure it out what i'm doing wrong..
I've always been the talkative one in my group.. (but not always)
and so i need to ask.. what is it that i'm not doing that is making you all do this to me?
have i ever done wrong to you? (maybe once, but we've already settled it)
could it had been that i am not that kind of friend to you?
and i don't wanna do anything stupid as to either fool you or anything that can drive you away from me..

Am i not good enough to be acknowledged by your peers?
aren't we all good friends up until now? oh how am i confused..
will someone out there help me? i need some guidance...

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How's it going everybody?

hahah well seems like today i caught a little cold.. been sneezing all day.. it won't stop dripping too (sorry if i made u grossed out) but really.. i can't concentrate on doing anything at all.. huhu my plugged nose is driving me crazy! and making me feel very lazy.. huhu hope that by the end of the day (that is before tomorrow), i will get better and get my job done..

it ain't easy being a UKM student.. huhu lots of things are jumbling up in my mind.. to the extend that i caught this cold.. huhu.. please pray for me.. and thanks for doing it (if u did prayed for me.. ahah :P)

until next time bloggers!
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Assalammualaikum and Ohayo-gozaimasu bloggers!

hehe once again I left my blog to collect dusts for me.. haha poor bloggie.. but its ok.. now that I'm back again.. I have u know that right now I'm already in my 2nd semester! haha time flew by without me knowing it..

by this time I should already received my results right? and I'm guessing many of you wanted to know what I got for my 1st semester.. well... drumroll please..! haha I got a solid 3.00.. I know.. its not as bad as it looks.. but it is to me! I mean all of my friends got at least near or more than 3.50! huhu I should've known I will get my result for my so-so STUDY.. I know now that I didn't did my best for the exams.. but now to worry.. for this 2nd sem, I will thrive myself through and through so that I won't have the same results..

for now.. things are all quite in a jumble.. huhu my work is a never-ending cycle.. finished one and another appears.. huhu guess that's university's life for you.. I'll try my best to finished it all.. oh! lets not forget, I, as the head of marketing for Temasya Highlanders, welcome you to come and join us at Kolej Ibrahim Yaakub, UKM, Bangi! on 21-23 March 2014..

And that's all folks! haha until next time bloggers!

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heyy!! assalammualaikum to everybody here!
heheh seems like i've forgotten to update my blogger again..
*gently pat my blog*
you must've been lonely huh?
hahah well.. time for update on whats goin on..these are some pictures i would like to show you..

Plus, some Happy/Sad news,, my hubby right now is doing his practical work on his ship *EAGLE SAN DIEGO* which is an oil tank ship..(i think?) hahah he's been gone for like 20days now... but for me.. it's like way longer... hahah.. didn't know it was only 20 days up until now (just counted the days). hahah i sometimes feel silly... coz everyone is saying like : "laa.. baru 20 hari je... da rindu?" but you know.. i really do miss him a lot! he's always been there for me.. then suddenly he has to go away..

for a fact: It's hard to not TALK to someone that you've always talked to.. sometimes a picture isn't enough to satisfy your misses.. really i had no choice.. but to just pray that he'll always be in good health and that he is safe on his ship.

ok... that's enough about him now.. continuing about my life in UKM.. sure, it's been fun... i'm almost at the end of my 1st sem here! but fortunately.. my break is only about weeks.. hahah not like everybody else, who has like a month of vacation! really ! i want some relaxation too! but i guess certain things must wait 1st.. as the saying goes: "bersusah2 dahulu, bersenang2 kemudian" And that's a wrap! i'll try to keep my blog posted for new updates.. heheh hopefully in the nearest future! see you then!

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heyyyy bloggers!
hahah long time since lastpost..susah betulnk catch up dgn sume nie..klu nk cite sumenyer , panjang la plak... huhhuweelll.. sheila pendekkan je la.. hahah

LEPAS MATRIKS:
utk bulan 5, sheila just rehat with doing nothing at home.

IN JUNE,
me and fajrul went on a job hunting at MID VALLEY, surely on that day, i got accepted !
I will be working at MPH from now on.. then around the week before my Birthday came.. I got a surprise VISIT from MY HUBBY,FARIQUE!!! waaa.. mmg sronokla kn sheila.. hehe.. sayang sgt kt die! hikhik on the 21st JUNE, its my BIRTHDAY! naseb baek la sheila dpt cuti utk hari tuu..but  really a bit lonely,,cuz sheila spend sorg2 mule2 tu... then lepas smyg jumaat, bru la fajrul dtg.. heheh he's my bestfriend.. die teman kan sheila tgk movie!(WORLD WAR Z!)
waaa.. mmg gempak la cite tuu..

then in JULY,
which is now.. baru2 sheila ade kene mara dgn customer,, huhuh although it is my fault about the wrong information of the book. but it'snot my fault that the traffic was JAMMED or the parking lot was FULL. So, please accept my APOLOGY for not informing you about the traffic or even saving a parking space for you.. MY BAD. Certainly during this fasting month, i would be as patient as i can be with EVERYBODY knowing my mistakes here...huhuh Please let it just pass by without anymore problems..

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hey there!! hahah again,, it's been a long time since i've updated this "old thing" heheheh
well.. i am now proudly in Sem2 of Matriculation,,, 
and a few months from now,, i will become an undergraduate student...
but will i ever pass my expectation of my parents, friends, or even myself?
huhu hopefully this upcoming result that is on this wednesday (5th Dis 2012)
waaaa! i'm trembling now!
huhu and also today,, i've just went to a carrier carnival with all sorts of universities ! can't choose where i want to go next,,,
its sounds so much fun and hardwork... huhuh
better start climbing now,, rather later i guess...

hurmm.,, hope that by the end of the year.. i can continue on with my studies,, so that i can repay my parents back for all the years that they've been taking care of me... huhuh I LOVE U MAMA.. I LOVE U DADDY...
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fuhhhh!!!! berhabuk nyer sheila punyer blog nie.. huuu kesian die.. meh lap ckit jap.. ilangkn sume habuk..
sejak masuk matrikulasi nie.. perghhh jgn ckp la.. keje mmg berlambak...
tdi n mkn pn kdg2 xmnentu sgt! haaha kurus la sheila.. :p
but all and all.. I have new friends and room mates to support me..
heheh I LOVE U GUYS SO MUCH!
i also have and awesome vice president in my class,,
eventhough she's chinese,, but she's very nice..
hikhik..

In matriks,, i kinda miss my old pals.. my NUBELLIOUS.. my BESTIES from primary school
and the most of all.. my boyfreind.. hewhehehe Miss U So Much AYG!

kt sni sheila pn mmg kene tukar style blja (blja ikut mood >.<)
kpd yg lebih effecient and effective.. huuu... xpela la.. tu la die.. lumrah hidup..

hopefully sheila akn berjaya kt sni!
TARGET: 4.00 FLAT! hahahah

see u all until the next post!
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hey guys! long time its been since i last sat typing... hahaha so bru2 nie kwn sheila, WAFY, recomment tgk suatu realiti sho named "We Got Married!" hahah mmg gmpak lah! best sgt! xsgke sheila sronok tgk rncangan tu.. Dlm tv show nie die ade byk couple! Yang sheila dah tgk nie YONGSEO couple a.k.a GOGUMA couple! heheh goguma means 'sweet potato' btw,..

dorg mmg SWEET sgt tgk... plus my favourite idol from SNSD, SEOHYUN.. and vocalist CN BLUE, YONHWA. hehehe sheila da 'fell in love' dgn psgn nieh! credits to WAFY for giving me the idea to watch their journey.. heheh enjoy the pics of them together-gether..

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hello my followers,, sorry that its been long since i've updated me blog! been sick these past few days,, i should've took a test today but i haven't recovered from my flu.. now i having pain in my throat and it's killing me! urgh!! even swallowing my saliva would be hard.. let alone eating! huhu all in all, i have to endure it as much as i can..now i have to drink a lot.. then, going to the bathroom a lot.. hahah

by now,, it's gonna be a week away from the REAL SPM EXAMS!! huh! i'm getting nervous day by day.. only a few left till we (Form5) reached our birth-SPM-exam-day! there's no more time to goof off.. even i have to close all my intenet? *can i even go a day without it?* hhahah but it'll be the greatest joy to see my parents faces happy to see my results..hope that dream doesn't just stay as a dream! come on! it's time to close our FACEBOOK ACCOUNTS and start FACING OUR BOOKS! hahah

to all my friends,, i wish you the best of luck! all the best from me! muah! love u all!! heheh that's it for today..
see you guys on the next update! <3
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why do i even care? i mean nothing to you am i? so what gives? u think only you can have fun and break everyone's heart? hmm,.. don't think so.. fine ah! biar je la.. just gonna let it gooo...
LET IT GO FAR AWAY FROM MYSELF. don't wanna mess up my brain anymore.. i've got too much at hand. and haven't enough to lend it to you.. whatever dude! hope you're life sucks! bbllluuuueeeekkkk! :P
hate u BOY!
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hmm.. xtau nk ckp ape da...
exam truk la..
uhuhuhu byk yg trun! naseb la ade gak yg naek...
k,, nk ckp psl bnde laen plak.. sheila nie bknnyer ape..
sheila nk jage hati awk.. but awk igt bnde laen erk?

sheila xnk la gado2 nie.. cukup la due kali psl bnde yg same je...
since awk xnk sheila ggu hidup awk lg kn..
then lupekn la sheila..
xyah aggp sheila nie kwn awk lg..
klu cmtu kn lg senang hidup awk..
since da jd gtu,, sheila pn akn lupekn awk gak...
sheila pasni xkn tegur ape2 kslhn yg awk wt...
ok? u happy now? bb klu leh, sheila xnk gado2 hanye bb bnde yg same lg..
sheila bkn nyer coward.. just mls nk lyn klu bnde nie berlanjutan..

i waana let go everything bout you... so that u will live a happier life..
hope that u're satisfied.. k la... i'm out!
peace y'all! (>.<)(Y)
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hahahaha mau luah nie! sheila hari nie sungguh n tersgt lah sakit hati dgn ssorg nie!
sheila nie kn baek.. xpenah nk mgate org kn... tp xbermkne sheila xde prasaan k!
igt boleh pijak sheila cm karpet ke ape?!

haah! tp since mama ckp jgn maen api dgn api.. so sheila mls ckit nk ckp psl kau je..
sheila nk igt kn.. tlg jgn igt diri tu je penting.. igt2 la kt hati org len gak
wlupun hati kte yg akn tluka.. skali skala je.. sheila tau suara tu kuat..
tp xyah la nk jerit2 kt org kn? sume org ade name tau... jgn pggl org yg bukan2..
klu stakat nk gurau2 tu ok la.. tp klu da slalu,, sape suke? ape2 klu org tnye,,
jwb tu biarla ok2 ckit.. xyah la asyik cm nk mara org je..kdg2 tu xpe la...kdg2
mybe cara kte jwb tu akn wt org kecik hati.. so pk2 la lu bru jwb..
sheila minx maaf klu ape yg sheila ckp nie mmg kecikkn hati kau..
tp ni la hakikatnyer,,, just nk tlg jer... (tu niat nyer) arap2 ade juge prubhan ckit2
sheila xarapkn kau nk ubah sume dlm satu mase... but slowly la k..
just wanna help.. end of story.. hope u have a nice life.. bye ../

Just bcoz  my eyes doesnt cry.. doesnt mean my heart wont n i didnt get hurt..
Just bcoz i looked fine n strong.. doesnt mean i'm not fragile n nothing is wrong..
often i looked happy so that i dont have to explain why i'm sad to who'll never understand me...
smiling had always been easier than being sad and explainning urself why..
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ari nie tah la tibe2 rase sakit ati sgt...bb terpikir tntg sesuatu yg sheila slalu terlepas pndg! huh! skg bru sheila prasan n tgh rase mara sgt smpi tahap nk NANGIS la! huhuh penat la wei.. asyik nk jage hati org.. tp hati sndri skg da xleh nk control sume emosi! how i could i look at u and not realize that my feelings are beeing STEPPED ON,  SMUSH! and above all.. IGNORED!.

fine ah! nk sorok2 nnt xyah pggl org lg! maen la sorg2! mls nk lyan prangai .. igt die sorg je yg penting.. abz sheila nie?? i'm always behind u becoz i know i would catch u if u fall.. but now that i'm in front of u.. u wouldn't even care if i fall face down! hmmph! da la.. sheila nie bkn nyer jenis org yg kuat mara! sheila da nk lupekn sume nie.. n lepaskn! trial nk dkt da la.. wtpe sheila nk susah2 pikir kn kau je.. wt sakit ati je.. suke ati kau la nk wtpe skg.., sheila da mls nk ambik tau...

lebih baek sheila lyn kekasih sheila la drpd nk terPIKIRkan KAU je.. huh! puas hati nk lepas sume nie.. are even ready for trial?? >.< whatever loser! i'm not like u! that's the last STRAW i could take.. i don't want to stress my life thinking only bout u! i wanna get my own life back! i wanna be happy again! #damnit

i know this is harsh.. and i hope u change for the better! please GROW UP la!

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hey guys,,
been long since i last posted..this time,, i wanna pour my heart out..
skg nie sheila nk minx maaf kpd sesape yg penah sheila terkasar bhsa ke..
or terkutuk ke... sheila da xmo bende lame terjadi lg cm dulu...
cukup la klu skali je sheila lalui bende form2 tu..

btw.. i dont like fights! it'll just make things more worse...
like now and then.. there seems to be a misunderstanding between one another
and they're now not talking to each other...
i hope they will work it out soon enough.

(abz da luahan hati.. tkot klu ckp pape lbh kang susah! >.<)
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